Why is it that we are so easy to bring ourselves down, but when other people go through the same thing we are- we meet them with compassion?
A mother snaps at her kid after the twelfth time they’ve told them “stop touching X”- but when we’re in the same situation and we beat ourselves up for house. Analyzing what we said and how it will ruin them and put a strain on your child/parent relationship.
It’s because we place ourselves on this different pedestal- we are our toughest critics. We expect too much. We expect perfection. But here’s the thing- we need to instead be compassionate to OURSELVES and treat ourselves with LOVE and GRACE if we expect anything to change.
Soften your critical voice the next time something doesn’t go as planned. Think about what you would love to hear from a friend in a time of distress, when you need someone to understand you.
Have your inner dialogue change
“This doesn’t make you a bad parent”
“This doesn’t make you neglectful”
“Remember how hard you’ve been on yourself”
“You’re managing a lot”
“Don’t make this MEAN anything. It is what it is”
“Accept those feelings for what they are”
“Don’t create an unknown future”
Write down the instance and how you responded
how did it make you feel?
What would you have liked to do?
How would you like to change your reaction next time?
Admit that you were wrong. Not for validation purposes, but for being a living example of that people make mistakes- and that is okay. Explain to your child or husband how you wished you had reacted differently and that next time you want to react with:
An example can go like:
“I’m sorry for snapping at you at lunch today. Mommy was frustrated because you weren’t listening and feeding the dogs. I shouldn’t have reacted that way and that was unfair to you. Next time I will try and use nicer words and not get so angry.”
Practice makes perfect in this scenario and you will fail many times, before it starts to fit in- but guess what? The quickest way to learn is to fail and fail fast. Failure isn’t a dead end- it’s an opportunity to learn from something that didn’t go as planned, and CHANGE what moves forward.