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When I was in the THICK of my Postpartum Depression I remember one day very vividly.
I was working 50 hours a week (including my lunch break), I was commuting an additional 10 hours to work, an additional 5 to daycare, my husband was on nights and we NEVER saw each other. I got maybe 30 minutes of “quality” time with my baby before having to put her to bed and then I had to quickly:
Wash Pump Supplies
Pack pumping bag
Make and pack my lunch
Re-pack diaper bag
All to wake up all night long with the worst sleeper known to man. This one day in particular, I was trying so hard to prep meals, clean the house, AND spend time with my baby. But my baby was the thing getting pushed aside. It was my ONLY day to get things done or my week would be a total wreck.
All I wanted was to sit on the floor and just BE with her. Enjoy her, play with her. Instead I was watching angrily from the sideline as my husband got to play and I was doing all the work. Everytime we had to stop and take a nursing break I was constantly feeling like I was being pulled in 10000 directions and I was angry for the break in my “schedule”.
It was now nap time (which my daughter didn’t successfully do until after a year old) and I spent over an hour CRYING and ANGRY that she wouldn’t go to sleep. I eventually placed her in her crib with her crying, shut the door, and sat in the hallway and just ugly cried.
My husband came down the hallway and asked me what was wrong and I just word vomited all over him.
I couldn’t do this anymore
I was so stressed out
I was so tired
I was balancing everything and failing in every area
I was failing as a mother
As a dutiful wife
As an employer
All I wanted was to SIT AND SPEND TIME WITH MY BABY
But LIFE was getting in the way.
And that is when my AMAZING husband opened his mouth and said “Let’s fix it then”.
Ahhhh my amazing husband to the rescue. Why I fight his judgement on my bad days is beyond me.
This labor of love was ALL HIM. He and I sat down and decided WHAT we could do to help take the burden of the house and food and errands OFF my chest and SHARE in the responsibility. I want to be clear, we BOTH do these things, some weeks it’s more me pulling weight and other’s it is him. But we create and change this “Sample Cleaning Schedule” based on our schedules and who has what going on each week.